Divorce is one of the top five life stressors and getting through it can be challenging. Today’s Ask Ron Villano column gives advice on moving on after divorce.
Dear Ron — I was surprised by my wife of 10 years asking for a divorce a year ago and it was just finalized this past month. I have moved out and found my own space with enough room for my two teenage sons to visit anytime they want. I’ve got a good long-term job. But I find myself sitting around my new place feeling sorry for myself and I have no energy to do the things that I enjoy like boating (I still have my boat!) and the gym and running. How can I snap out of it and at least get back to doing what I enjoy? — Lost Divorcee
Dear Lost Divorcee — divorce is one of the big life changes that takes time to work through so give yourself permission to work through it at the right pace.
How can you snap out of it?
The first part of moving on after divorce is adopting a degree of “fake it ’til you make it.” So that means get out and do your activities even if your heart isn’t in it. Give yourself the “twenty-minute rule.” Start the activity and if after twenty minutes you are not feeling it, you give yourself permission to stop.
Check in on your mental health
The second part of moving on after divorce is to keep checking in on your own mental health and awareness. I have found that men, more often than women, take the divorce, sweep it under the rug, and power through with an urgency to “get back to normal” leaving the life lessons behind. When any emotions are put away to deal with later, it can often drive someone down a more bumpy road of repeated misjudgments and disappointments.
Be honest and get help
Mental health awareness starts by being bold enough and honest enough to take a look at what is truly going on. And those who choose to get the help of a qualified mental health practitioner really boost their success. Look at the process from the point of view of taking an inventory of your own mind’s garage. Make sure that you understand what is in there and how it will affect your choices and decisions. This will help you to begin to build forward momentum in all the right directions of moving on after divorce.
