This Ask Ron Villano question focuses on a son living at home, between jobs, with his single mom wanting help around the house. He’s waiting for a job, she is hard at work. How can they come together?
Dear Ron: My 28 year old son is living home with me. He struggles with holding a job even though he has a college degree. When he is not working, he just hangs around the house and does nothing. I will come home at the end of the day and see the same set of dishes, and even more, clothing, and even more, and stuff lying all around the house and it just bothers me to no end that he just doesn’t see it. Hard for me to understand why he can’t understand that if he has the time available right now, then help me out. I ask him about it and he says that he’s been busy looking for jobs; but he’s never left the house.
In some cases, if he is doing a job that I would normally pay for, like power washing, I am willing to give him some cash to put in his pockets for his help. I think I’m being fair… so how can I get him to help me out while he keeps looking for work? — Loving and frustrated Mom
Dear Mom: Seems like a bit of direction and organization may help bridge the gap between you and your son.
Talk it out – Spell it out
Start with a clear conversation of how he can help you out while looking for a job. A list of daily, on-going tasks like “put the dishes you use in the dishwasher” and “take care of your own laundry” posted on the fridge or bathroom can keep the reminders fresh. Add in other tasks when needed but with a solid deadline: “please take in the garbage can before 3pm.” Advise him that you recognize that applying for jobs takes a bit of time in the day to both apply and think about the application process but right now, he can help you out so you can be available to help him.
Keep Frustration in Check
And now a word for your point of view…. for sure as a mom you feel that frustration. Just double check and make sure to keep that feeling in check so you son feels empowerment and support at home to give him the confidence to work through a difficult process.
